13 Comments
Apr 27, 2023Liked by Jeremy Arnold

Thank you so much for writing this, Jeremy. I was diagnosed just shy of my 55th birthday, much to my surprise. Prior, I *knew* there was something wrong with me, and even years of therapy didn’t turn over that particular stone. Turns out I adapted so effectively at seeming normal that I was able to hide the worst of my Bad Time damage that I didn’t want revealed. Not that that helped with the shame... at all, ever. Still doesn’t. And your description of the rolling Bad Time anxiety really hits home. Fucking hell.

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Hey Kevin, appreciate the comment. It’s crazy to me how many people never find out until later in adulthood. Just such a poorly communicated and titled condition. But there’s helpful clarity in knowing, even if there’s no cure per se—for either the disease or the attendant shame. Once you grok how the cycle works you can learn to say no to more things, to catch yourself as you go into more manic seasons, to declare bankruptcy faster, etc. And you can find more people who have an intimate sense of what it’s like, for both tips and empathy. “It gets better” is a bit cliche, but true all the same. We may never reach any idealistic view of healthy, but we can be at lot less unhealthy, and a lot less alone. Wishing good things for you!

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Apr 27, 2023Liked by Jeremy Arnold

Thank you Jeremy--I have more good things happening for me than anyone should expect--including being one of the fortunate few adults with this condition who actually get diagnosed (about 1 in 10 is the estimate I’ve seen, so for every one of us who is aware there’s 9 who are in the dark, just as we were pre-diagnosis).

I’m going to share your essay with my HR lead, who has been willing to engage on how to support the unique needs of neurodiverse employees. You’ve stated a case for how to do that better than I’ve seen so far--grateful you put this out there, hope it has a long tail of contribution ahead of it!

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Jul 25, 2022Liked by Jeremy Arnold

Thank you for your vulnerability. This article has been painful for me to read. I've always hoped that something would help me "un-have EFI," not for my sake... but for the sake of those who love me so selflessly. One of those people sent me this article... and I'm so thankful for your work.

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God I feel that. But the thing to remember is that they’re cheering for us more than anyone. They know we can’t un-have it. They just want us to be balanced and healthy etc. Godspeed on that journey, Bobby.

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Jul 25, 2022Liked by Jeremy Arnold

What a great post, thank you! I have EFI, was diagnosed years ago and somehow moved to other issues (as you said living in Bad Times accumulates issues), but yeah, should think about basics too. Will come back to this post numerous times, I think. Whoof, hard ...

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No mental illness is easy. But with friends and a plan you can get pretty far. Wishing you good things Dainius.

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Jeremy... 47yo here and this was the greatest thing I've read in application to myself (and we both know how much reading that probably entailed). Usually the info on the internet is too broad that it is daunting to sift, or so narrow that it excludes me. Where do you go for support?

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Appreciate this comment, even if I share your sadness at the general lack of good content on this topic. As to where I go? Basically to just close friends—and sometimes partners—who have the right context, patience, and goodwill. But I’m selective about it.

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If you are ever interested in striking up a conversation with somebody new about this... I would guess we have 90% commonality. What I find fascinating is that from a right brain left brain perspective we differ. Your talent at voluminous writing is something I could only dream for. I'm the math science engineer brain

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I also suffer from your dental issues. Although I haven't lost teeth, probably because my enamel is hereditarily good. My teeth are like razor blades they are so thin and sharp, referring to the front teeth of course. They're all getting eroded by my habit of snacking on sugar throughout the day, like you said to get those dopamine bumps. The night guards that I have been wearing for The last 15 plus years are the only thing that has saved my teeth from shattering during night time clenching

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In a way I need to accept and understand that people who don't suffer from this, their brains aren't wired to help someone like me.

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I've given your article to several people around me now who have to deal with me and it's very helpful! However, it's fascinating to see how your article resonates with someone who actually suffers from similar ADHD problems, as compared to the rest who don't and while I truly believe they are trying to understand, they just don't get it.

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